Skin and Bones Chapter-5
I waited and waited for everyone to leave. I haven't eaten all day and my stomach is killing me..
FINALLY! They all left. The guilt filled my stomach, but I went to the fridge and pulled out some salad. I don't like eating in front of people, it makes me extremely self conscious. I hate eating, I feel disgusting and like a failure every time I do. So I eat every other day, just enough to keep my body together. But not enough to do anything else. My ribs are beginning to show and the gap between my thighs is getting bigger. It gives a sick satisfaction, and I know this is horrible to say, but I like the bones. I'm not sure why.
I take each bite as slow as possible and shake my leg as I eat to burn as many calories as possible. It sounds silly, but it helps.
I'm not sure why I do this to myself. There is a cloudy feeling in the back of my head, almost like a memory. But the thing is, I have no idea what it is. All I know is that it hurts, it makes me feel disgusted and terrible. All I can feel is pain and fear when I remember that feeling. It's as if I have a repressed memory but I have no Idea how to figure it out.
I don't want to do this to myself anymore, but I don't know how to stop. My body hurts and my hair is falling out..
I'm falling Apart. I can feel it.
I want to tell someone, but I don't know how. Taylor's watching eyes don't help, I want to break down and tell him everything but I just can't. I know he wouldn't judge me or anything. But still, it's hard.
Josh would try to help, and maybe he would understand. I'm still so scared. I feel like my life depends on not saying anything. Like I've made a promise to someone but I have no idea who.
Taylor knows everything about me, I think he might be able to help me. But that would constitute telling Him..
Why is my mind so complicated? Ugh.
It's the next morning and I feel as crappy as ever. I fell asleep deep in thought about weather I should tell Taylor or not..
And I made my decision.
Haha. Sorry for so many bad short chapters, I'm trying to make them longer.. Trust me. More drama is coming soon ;) just wait and see what stuff I'm gunna throw in there soon.